So, here we go again. An artist (Martin Kippenberger) has "created" a piece of work (a crucified frog) that some people (mostly Catholics) find offensive.

Those of you unlikely to visit the exhibition at Bolzano Museum of Modern Art in Germany (helpfully near where the Pope is taking his summer break) may like to know that the frog is green (as you would expect), about a metre high, and clutches a mug of beer in one crucified hand and an egg in the other. His tongue sticks out in semi-comic, semi-pathetic way. And he wears a loin cloth (also green).

Predictably, local Catholics have been offended, complained to the police and are campaigning for the frog's removal.

In this particular instance, the artist is unlikely to be rubbing his hands with glee, if only because he died over ten years ago. Nevertheless, "the-artist-who-makes-up-with-controversy-what-s/he-lacks-in-talent" is a staple feature of our age.

Some such executions may have serious artistic merit to them - The Satanic Verses and Jerry Springer - The Opera leap to mind. But that is almost incidental. It so much easier to surf your way into the news on a wave of outrage than it is to climb there through talent alone.

Sadly, however, even the "religious ridicule" short-cut is wearing thin. Everyone seems to be at it these days. And serious, art-trashing, book-burning fundamentalists aren't as widespread as we like to think.

So, those aspiring artists, playwrights, etc. who wish to pursue this course need to be careful. I would suggest observing the following rules, at the very least:

Firstly, pick as sensitive or sacred a topic as possible. The crucifixion is an obvious choice, although there are plenty of other stories in various sacred texts that are ripe for sexual or scatological innuendo. Avoid Islam though.

Secondly, ridicule it in as unsubtle and offensive way as you can get away with within the obscenity laws of your country. Matching the offence to the religious figure is particularly clever. The Virgin Mary makes a great crack whore, for example, and Jesus a tremendous paedophile.

Thirdly, in advance of the hoped-for outrage, prepare a statement to the effect that you are "exploring" an "issue" which is of great "contemporary importance" though a "medium" shaped by powerful "ancient texts". Add that, in actual fact, you have great respect for the religion under discussion.

Fourthly, when the temperature gets hot, change the subject and say that this is really an issue of freedom of expression. Remind the world that religious people do not have a right to "impose" their values on everyone else. Suggest that the values of Western civilisation are under threat and that if your sculpture/ play/ whatever is removed, we will slide back into the Dark Ages.

Obviously every artistic-religious controversy is different and you may need to modify the above steps accordingly.

But if you follow them, at least in some form, they should help make up for any lack of talent on your part and generate for your current and, hopefully, future exhibitions, publicity that would otherwise be way beyond your capacity.

This article first appeared in The Daily Telegraph Ways and Means blog.